Saturday, 8 October 2011

A Changed Woman?!

I have been living here for nearly two years now, and have finally become 100 per cent countrybumpkin! How do I know? Have I been given the keys to the village? Do the locals in the pub talk to me instead of glaring in a meanacing way whenever I order a drink? No. It is because I have finally become as gullable and easily led as every other non city person in the world!
Now that may sound a bit harsh, but it comes from a Cockney Londoner. Or at least I was a few years ago! You see, a Cockney Londoner never gets caught out by anyone. Ever. They can see a scam a million miles away. Its inborn. We are the type that have never scratched off the Sunday Supplement card which always has three bells on and 'guarantees a major prize' because its a scam. We never telephone the 'Answer this simple question to win an all expenses paid holiday', because its a trick to get you to part with your pennys! In fact we only trust one person in the whole world, our mum, because she knows all. Everyone else tells porkies!
So you see what has happened to me. I 'believed' someone. I handed over my cash like a lamb to the slaughter and merrily came home to show off my prize to Hubby. Then when the product worked as well as dead stand up comedian, it slowly dawned on me that I had been duped. I knew I was never going to get the 'Magic Bean Effect', and I had finally lost all connection to my beautiful City.
The evil person who 'saw me coming' worked in Boots The Chemist. That was my first mistake, going into Boots. Everybody knows they only sell stuff that doesn't work to boost their profits. Always use an independant Chemist for illnesses! My mum told me that.
I happened to mention her hair was exactly the colour I wanted. Second mistake. Chatting to strangers. A terrible sign of weakness and/or Altzheimers Disease, (Which I'm sure I'm coming down with!)
She had me from there on in, telling me exactly what potion I should buy as I would immediatly come out of the shower with silver grey hair just by using an extremly expensive shampoo that Boots, (surprisingly), sold. All sweetness and smiles like the witch with the apple from Snow White.
And thats where I became an ex-cockney. So pleased at how I would look before the night was out. So happy that after fifteen years of trying, I would finally get the colour hair I've always wanted. So damn angry when my hair was still the same colour as I'd dyed it the week before! Such a fool, standing in front of Hubby, shouting how it didnt work, (but using the most horrendous language my mother would not have been proud of)!
So I have settled here now and become 'one of them'. Slightly odd, with a tendency to make home made cakes willy nilly. A penchant for chatting to anyone who wanders closeby, and terrible urges to spend what little money I have on complete crap! Perhaps Im not an ex-cockney after all, maybe its just my age!

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Ups and downs.

You know, its hard to keep cheery when every other news story is depressing. Its also hard to keep happy when you have just done something so completely wonderful, then had to go back to the same, monotonous, day to day existence. Its even harder when you and your entire family have come down with flu and its raining!
Still, we all soldier on because there isn't much else we can do!

I have always believed that the day would come when everyone in the world got along. I know it sounds pathetic, but normally the world catches up with sci-fi programmes on TV. Therefore we should all be one big galactic empire by now shouldn't we? Going where no man has gone before etc. Living, working and supporting each other together, which is how a decent civilization behaves. But when you open a newspaper, it's full of headlines, which seem to show unless a person is earning more than enough to live and retire on, they are useless in this life. This really deserves a separate posting because there are so many examples of hate mongering which is dividing our Country into have and have nots, rich and poor, abled and disabled, the list is endless. Its so sad to see such a great country being belittled and derided by its own government. Perhaps the future is not so much 'Star Trek' as '28 Days' meets 'The Final Solution'!

We survived The Champions League. In fact it was something neither me, nor my daughter, will ever forget. I am no way near eloquent enough to write in detail how fantastic the whole weekend was, but if you have ever had your heart filled with pride, or looked at your child and seen the wonder etched on their face, or shed a tear of joy at the wonder of the moment, you will know how I felt.
We met so many helpful strangers along the way, who, without asking, would stop to help with the wheelchair. Either dragging it upstairs or helping us on/off trains/buses. But then it was London, and I know that city would never let me down. Dressed in Barcelona/Spain shirts we trooped along Wembley Way with policemen who smiled, supporters who sang and staff who were helpful and kind.
The game was a joy to behold. I have never seen such beautiful football played. The passing skills of Barcelona were truly magical, with Iniesta and Messi, (who surely should be at Arsenal), mesmerising. The Spanish supporters were the same as ever. Friendly, cheerful and forever smoking secretly! The Man U supporters were the same except they wouldn't smoke because they didn't dare break the law!
The stadium was clean, easy to access and had staff at the ready for anything to help out. The magic disabled toilet key was thrust at us on more than one occasion! I remember the 'old' Wembley, with the toilet queues that stretched for miles! This new stadium had clean, working toilets. A definite bonus if you want to see more of the game.
Then it was time to go home. The return journey was as easy as going. Thanks to yet another mass of strangers who didn't hesitate to help. I know they are not reading this but their friendliness made the trip into something extra special. Thank you all.
And so it was back to normal for a few days, until my husband began to feel unwell. He had been to the GP because his plethora of tablets needed changing. I have a sneaking suspicion that the germs followed him home from there.
The flu that followed spread like wildfire around the home. Leaving hubby bedridden along with one child, myself and other child fighting a losing battle. Its been nearly two weeks now and I am just feeling slightly better. My other three patients are slowly making it back to the land of the living! Perhaps a Zombie apocolypse is closer to the truth than we think!

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Happy Days!

Its that time of the year again. The bit where the sun comes out and makes everybody happy. Well it is for me. I've been slumped in a heap as close to the radiator as possible for the last 8 months trying not to freeze to death. A slight exaggeration there, but you get the picture.

Now, for around the next four months, my legs feel like they can move without breaking and my arthritis has gone off on its holidays to someone else who lives in a colder climate. I also have slightly raised energy levels, which means my brain kicks into gear faster than normal. That would usually be a good thing, but with me it means I always make some rash decision which comes back to haunt me. And so it has come to pass.......

I now have in my possession two brand spanking new tickets for the Champions League Final. To be played at Wembley Stadium next weekend.

The thought of going to the final popped into my head at the beginning of the season. When I truly believed my beloved team, Arsenal, were about to win every cup going.
Apply for tickets, thought I, as it would be a 'once-in-a-lifetime' event where one of my children would witness history. I say one because only two tickets were buyable at one time and an adult had to go with one child. Also the prices for the tickets were far, far out of our reach. Possible out of the reach of any normal working person on this planet! But tickets for the disabled were a different story.
So I applied like everyone else and waited to be informed I was unsuccessful as the tickets were oversubscribed and everyone's names were being pulled out of a hat, like some magic trick. But like some evil payback for asking genie for wishes, our names were successful and after half a dozen e-mails to the FA giving them passport numbers??, disability confirmation, and payments, our tickets arrived.
Train tickets are paid for, all 8 of them, not including the tube tickets. Yes, eight tickets for two people on a return. One each to go, 3 each to come back. Someone must have stolen the line again because numerous bus diversions are needed.
Hotel is booked too. And its free!! Its my brothers house, (I love him for living so close to the stadium)!
Now all we have to do is get there!

I'd always told my two girls that if they ever wanted to see a football match I would take them. I managed to take one back in January to Ipswich Town when they played Arsenal in the Carling Cup. Naturally my team lost, as they always do when I go to watch them! The season seemed to go downhill from there! (Sorry boys I will never go again!) But it was a great starter game for my daughter. Unfortunately she hated it so I won't be going for a season ticket there!
Now the other daughter gets to watch the team I believe plays the most beautiful football in the world, (next to Arsenal)! Barcelona. As we will be supporting them, and my track record for winners is extremely dodgy, I will be sticking a tenner on Man U to win, then I will be slightly less gutted if they do beat The Barca Boys.

So now my daughter has packed for the two day trip. Bearing in mind we have to travel light because of the wheelchair, I have had to turn down her request to take her laptop, soft toy, mobile phone, jigsaw puzzle, DVD of Bugsy Malone, (She said she may get bored) and four changes of clothes for a more sensible option. But she is looking forward to it and is counting down the days till we go.
I have a feeling it will take quite a while for me to get over the amount of effort I will need to use the get there and back but, like the advert says, it will be priceless.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

I've been trapped in the house for the last few weeks as my daughter has had another operation. This week was her first week back to school but its only half days so she's home by midday. Next week she will start back full time again so I'm looking forward to venturing out into the big wide world again!
I've been forced to watch daytime tv, which is absolutly awful! Even when I was ill myself, I couldn't bring myself to view the likes of Bargain Hunt, Cash In The Attic or the endless reality show which are constantly on. But my daughter, who is nearly 13, has decided to become old and sad by turning Bargain Hunt into a competition. Red team or Blue team? Every day!! 12.15pm she settles down with her ham sandwich to listen intently as each item bought by the teams are scoffed at by, the rather odd, Tim Wonacott.

Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but I do hope some of the information she gleans from these shows somehow stops her from picking up all the junk she normally buys at car boot sales! You never know, she may come home one day with a full set of Clarence Cliff!

Sunday, 30 January 2011

DIY the right way!

Its been a while since I posted here, mainly because I have had an uneventful, (read boring) time out here in 'The Sticks'. But after a Canadian friend mentioned that I hadn't posted for a while, I realised that some people can waste their time on my inane rubbish, so I thought I would once again try to raise a few laughs.
Today was eventful. It started with a good idea and ended with a knee that is as swollen as a balloon.
The front of our home has a drive which is old, pot holed and not large enough to reverse the car without either hitting the neighbours car or driving over the grassy area. So hubby decided to cut up some of the grass and lay a bit of concrete over it. He would also fill in the pot holes so that daughters wheelchair wouldn't tip her out into oblivion every time she was pushed out of doors. Not a large amount, about two foot square, but for us far more than we anticipated!
Now I don't mean to sound rude, but hubby doesn't do anything very well. Mainly because he broke his back a few years ago and has trouble lifting a tea bag! But also because he's a regular bloke. You know what I mean, thinks everything is perfectly finished when, in fact, it looks like a monkey has been employed. So it was down to me to help.
He cut out the grass and stopped for tea. I started mixing then stopped for tea. We both have qualifications in tea breaks! He layed the concrete, a bit at a time while I crawled around on the mud smearing it into place. After about an hour, one third of it was done. We stopped for tea.
Then a neighbour arrived. With his two dogs. Who were not on the lead. After a while he went away. After he had written his name in the concrete! I crawled around on the floor smearing away the paw prints and his signature. Mustn't be rude, I thought, after all he is from Countrybumpkinland and probably thinks every bit of fresh concrete is a piece of The Hollywood Walk of Fame!
We carried on.
Another hour passed and it was looking good. Not good, professional good, but reasonably cack handed good enough.
We carried on.
Finally we finished. I thought it wasn't bad. Quite smooth and angled slightly so the water wouldn't pool. He thought it was immaculate.
I couldn't get up. He couldn't bend down. So I dragged myself up his leg while he made rude remarks that would have got a TV presenter the sack! Boys eh!
Slowly, I dragged myself in to the kettle while he tidied up his tools! snigger snigger. (Oh dear Ive turned into Benny Hill)!
After making two cups of lifesaving Sainsbury's own, I shuffled to the window to check that all was well. It didn't once cross my mind that I should never have left him outside, but that will be something to remember next time. He had decided to park the car. Yes. He had decided to move the car into its parking area. Very carefully reversing over the freshly laid and extremely smooth concrete, the back wheels missing it by miles.
Unfortunately the front wheels went RIGHT THROUGH IT!!!!!
Laugh? Yes of course we laughed. Our life is like that. It was funny. That's why we work so well together. We are both now in agony. My knee is so swollen I am using crutches. His back is so painful he is laid out on the floor. But tomorrow its off to B and Q for some more concrete and another go. It may look like a bunker when we are finished, but will come in handy for when I kill the neighbour and his dogs!

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

I've always known I have a very short attention span. Ever since I was a child I would fervently start a project of some kind, only to see it years later, half completed, in the back of my toy cupboard. It may have been because twice a year I was whisked off to hospital with a broken leg, and while away, would start a project forced upon me by some well wishing hospital teacher. Or it may well have been because I was deathly bored with waiting for the finished prize, which in my mind should have been completed within an hour of starting! Probably the latter because it still happens now, and my last hospital admittance was nearly two years ago.
I find many different things absorbing, which is also part of the problem. The Internet has become an evil entity in my life because as soon as I surf for information on my chosen project, something else pops up and I follow the links to start something new!
Luckily computers hadn't appeared when I was young so my life was full of 'hands on' subjects. One of my first loves was anything to do with dinosaurs. Books were bought, visits to museums were arranged and I would spend hours drawing them, building them and talking incessantly to any poor person who stood next to me long enough. I was about 7 and could spell even the most difficult dinosaur name, something of which my mother was very proud. I always wondered why we were never invited to many partys!
The trouble is, most of the information I amassed back then is now totally wrong! I still have a wonderful book, (I am a secret hoarder too), called 'Life Before Man' in which many of the prehistoric animals have now been found to be many different species, cobbled together by well meaning scientists who just simply, 'Got It Wrong'.
At the same time, music appeared in my life. Stuck in hospital again, my parents bought me a battery operated record player. Visitors used to bring me 7'' singles to stop me talking I suppose, but that's when I fell in love. He was a gorgeous pop star, whom I adored. Again I received everything to do with him. Posters, albums, t-shirts etc. Aged 8 or 9 there was nothing else in life, was there? I knew, one day, I would meet and marry him and live like a princess for the rest of my life. Sadly it was not to be. Or should that be thank god? For that was Gary Glitter, a name now scrubbed from history, (and The Spice Girls movie), never to be mentioned except occasionally at Christmas when someone, somewhere plays one of his songs.
I decided sport was the next option. I started playing tennis, but kept treading on the balls and guess what happened??
So armchair football was chosen and, to this day, it is the only thing I am still as passionate about as when I was a child. I can actually remember watching The Arsenal 'doing the double' in 1970/71, (but that must be wrong because I was only 5)! So I think it must be the 1979 FA Cup win that sealed my love for the team. I definitely remember my grandfather handing me a small wooden coffin, inscribed with the entire squad names, before the game. (He hated them)! But my mum was a gooner who had been to many of their home games, and my Uncle had been groundsman there, in the Thirties, so I was in good company. The game was unbelievable with Alan Sunderland scoring a last gasp winner against United. I had another broken leg so couldn't jump for joy, but the tears I shed were some of the happiest tears of my life!
Around this time I was packed off to boarding school, which opened up a whole new world to me. I learned to smoke, drink and play snooker, all by the age of 14! Snooker was my second favourite thing in the list, but again I threw myself into it. I was picked to play for the South of England Region and was ferried around by my P.E. teacher to different 'dives' every few days. The look on the faces of my opponent when I walked in was so smug compared to his face once I had beaten him! A grown man being beaten by a 14 year old, 4 foot six inches tall, disabled girl was magical for me but not so much for him, or his mates watching. I think there were about five rounds and each one was the same. The final was to be played in Reading and I beat a fellow southerner, Christopher, to get there. But, by then, I was bored! I didn't want to play anymore, and I was giving up a weekend at home, (I only came home from Boarding school on odd weekends). So I told Chris to take my place and he went on to win it! He had a nice trophy for his parents, and I had a better weekend with my parents, at home, in London.
Another of my ongoing interests was and still is, anything strange/supernatural. Ive lumped it all together because its far too large a subject to take one by one. Ghosts, UFO's, Unexplained phenomenon, cryptiods, unsolved mysteries... you name it, I love it. Did you know that Stonehenge is only 50 years old? But by far the best is Jack The Ripper. Having lived in The East End, its a place that I adore. Obviously having also spent plenty of time in The Royal London Hospital, Whitechapel, its also an area steeped in quite a few other horrors which nurses seemed to enjoy informing me on each visit. The Elephant Man's bones are kept in this hospital and so is some of mine. A piece of my femur, about three inches long, is still sitting in my surgeons briefcase after he removed it, because I asked if I could have it. I wanted to make a pendant out of it and I'm still waiting for its return! Another of my skills which is odd!
And so on to my favourite thing of all. Television, video and movies. Wonderful stuff full of special effects and magic. I can relate periods of my life to certain shows on TV and have a favourite movie for just about every year. Being stuck in bed for long periods was sometimes a blessing as I could watch what I wanted all day long. From Whirlybirds, Starsky and Hutch, The Sweeney, The Professionals, through to today with Buffy, Angel, Supernatural, Medium, Ghost Whisperer and so much more, TV is amazing. Likewise movies, I remember going to see Jaws when I was 9 or 10, and it felt like the film had been made just for me, even though the cinema was packed. That was when my love of special effects started, which is why I make all the Halloween stuff for friends and family. I could go on about this subject for pages, but I feel I have already typed more than enough for now.
So now you know how short my attention span is. I started this page to talk about all the stuff Ive tried, and managed to forget what I was doing within the first paragraph! Nowdays I have millions of snippets of interesting information stored in my head, but, with the beginning of pre-pensioner Alzheimer's, I scramble it up and it all comes out in splutters which is totally useless.
And that last sentence describes my life to a tee!

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

New home, new me.

Moved home recently. Left my beloved London for pastures new! I am now an 'L' plate country bumpkin. Amazingly, my hayfever has disappeared now I live surrounded by pollen, rather than when I was surrounded by exhaust fumes and airplane chemtrails covered my washing line. The only downside is I have become rather slow. When I say slow, I mean everything I do takes longer than it did in the city. That may be a good thing for my heart, but it is doing my head in!! I now leisurly wander from room to room cleaning, instead of rushing about like a blue arsed fly tackling every job at the same time. I make telephone calls, 'When I feel like it', instead of 'NOW NOW NOW', and I shop if something is required rather than all day every day!
We have a very large garden. Well it is for us! I actually ate one of the strawberries hubby grew. Then I waited to die knowing that my body was used to the pesticides and poison which come free with supermarket fruit. Im still here so I might have the peas with my Sunday roast at the weekend!
Ive also become totally bored with 'The Internet'! All my oddball sites I used to love have become stale and predictable and theres never any new news on my favourite subjects although I was intrigued to read about the cursed mummy which sank the Titanic! Sadly a load of rubbish, but it had me enthralled for half hour.
Ive never been a fan of Facebook although I did, at one point, become addicted to a totally life wasting game called My City Life. So from this week, I will be shutting down these sites, to see how long I can live without them. (Probably far longer than with)!
I will still be keeping this blog alive, although god knows when I will write another. I had two drafts written at Christmas but deleted them just now because I couldnt be bothered to finish them!