My goodness, has summer arrived already? It seems that, as I have been sitting here generally waiting for something nice to happen, Spring has come and gone. The kids will break up from school pretty soon and we will immediatly have to buy new school uniform for September otherwise it will have run out by August.
I figured i'd get in quick, by rushing off to Asda and buying up the entire stock in anticipation of my kids growing two extra sizes over the coming months. But I was saved from spending large amounts of money by the complete lack of clothing range in our local store! Buy Two Get One Free had become bugger off somewhere else you're too late!
Now I am in a quandrey? Should I wait until five minutes to September before running round like a headless chicken in a vain attempt to kids out my kids with;
Seventy thousand pencils, pens, rubbers, rulers, pencil cases, calculators, protractors, hole punches, staplers, plimsoles, kit bags, not forgetting a full school uniform at a cost of two hundred pounds just for the clothing!
Or should I tootle on down to the 'Official' School Uniform Store and order the clothing, at a ridiculously overpriced amount, so that it will be available on time.
Decisions, decisions. I rather like the first option, its cheaper, will take less time, and I will lose weight in the process.
On second thoughts perhaps I may teach the kids from home. There wont be any jobs available for them on reaching school leaving age anyway, and they wont be any thicker than the ones leaving school round here now! Plus we can all have a lay in every day. No school uniform to buy or tears from bullying. 100 % attendance records and no way they would be expelled!
On the other hand my food bills will be gigantic, Sky TV will have to be installed in EVERY room, and having the kids around constantly will possibly cause a nervous breakdown! In me, Hubby and the cats!
Official School Uniform Store.....Here I come!

Still here?!

Well as the title says, I'm still here. Though whether that is a happy, or not title depends on your point of view.
My operation went well, in fact I was in and out in less than six hours, but only because 30 minutes after my op I was stuffing myself with tea, roast beef, Yorkshire pud, roast potatoes and gravy. Followed by steamed orange sponge pudding with custard. Gorgeous it was too! Having the nurses hovering with one of those cardboard sick buckets didn't even put me off!
Hubby arrived to pick me up and home I went. Mind you if I had wanted to wait for some pain killing medication, I would still be there now, but I knew I had some at home, (It goes by the name of Smirnoff in our first aid cabinet,) so I did a runner, or hopper on my crutches, and got home in time for tea.
Mind you, that was five weeks ago and I'm still using crutches because my leg is stubbornly refusing to grow some more bone! Not much else to do now except wait.
So while I've been waiting we all seem to have come down with swine flu! It started with my youngest daughter, who never seems to become ill. We all went off to the beach on one of those sunny days and although I scouted for Mexicans, (watching for short, fat, sombrero wearing, moustached gunslingers), it seemed clear. Obviously one was disguised as a short, fat, eerily white with red blotches, sock and sandal wearing lager swilling day tripper, cos there were loads at Walton!
For ten days now she has been on antibiotics for her throat infection which has now turned into an ear infection, and although we have had two trips to the GP, it seems she has 'Seasonal flu'!
Now I may be wrong here, but I assumed our flu season started in October and finished in January but apparently not.
Now I have it too, as spending every night sleeping with an infected puking, coughing, crying child is not a good idea but it is what mothers do, especially when they think the world of their kids. I, apparently, do not need antibiotics yet, as obviously they are only given out when anyone is close to death. Also being British, I did not want to show any fear of a silly virus by asking if I should be tested. So meekly I left the GP, and am riding out the storm with some honey, lemon and paracetamol. I am also looking on the bright side, as if it is Swine flu, I will be immune when it comes back in the winter, thereby guaranteeing myself a chance of being first in the queue for shopping, first on the list for (decent) rehousing and possibly a chance of a GP appointment on the same day of asking. Perhaps even a dentist appointment!
Sadly the opposite will be true. A 28 Days Later scenario with swine flu zombies and deserted streets. Which to my mind sounds even better as we can take the kids to Chessington without paying a months salary entrance fee!
Roll on Christmas!

Been doing my best to get up and walking proper for the last couple of weeks, owing to my appointment at hospital. Still quite painful even though I should be better by now. Still the doc put me right on Tuesday last when he happily told me my leg isnt healing at all.
"The only option is to have another operation, taking out part of the pin holding your leg together. This will cause the bone to squish together, (His words, not mine!) thereby fixing it! "
"Ok", says I, thinking I would be waiting ages. But no says Mr Frankenstein, I have a clear slot next Thursday. Don't worry about the normal tests that are done to make sure you are okay for surgery, just get here for 06.30a.m and don't eat anything.
I don't mind the starving bit, I hate food and can go days without eating. Trouble is I'm one of the lowest of the low! Yes, I am a smoker! So yet another stay in a virtual prison, (You cant just go outside anymore, you have to walk off the grounds to light up)!, is so depressing. Last time I gave up completely for three days and I will do so again but when you are stuck on a ward, bored to tears and missing your family, decent food, alcohol, sky sports channel etc the last thing you need is to be gasping for a ciggy too!
I think hospitals need some sort of drive-Thru option, or the option to sleep in your own car. Its still legal to smoke in a stationary car isn't it?
Mind you, smoking seems to be the least of my problems. After all there will probably be thousands of pig flu sufferers wandering the corridors like a zombie invasion by then. (I thought I'd come down with it after my appointment the other day, but luckily I realised I'm allergic to the three new pets my kids have). Also theres the chance of MRSA or another blood clot episode. Hopefully I wont end up like the poor bloke who was left for 3 days dead in the toilet, but then I wouldn't put anything past the hospital that still shows off The Elephant Mans bones to all and sundry.
As you can tell I'm so looking forward to it. What with reading about hospital food on Cyberkim's blog, I believe McDonald's to be the only food to have while convalescing, normally at about 1p.m. That does me for the whole day usually.
So, if I havent posted again for months after Thursday, I will come back to haunt the internet, hopefully destroying the spellchecker, thereby ruining the lives of millions of illiterate internet users!

Decided it was spring cleaning time again. The time of year when things that are always covered in dust believe its their birthday and get a bath. Its a bit more difficult this year owing to my (still) extremly painful leg, and the fact that a disabled friendly vaccuum cleaner has not yet been invented.
Still if you dont try you'll never get the hump says I, so I went off to buy a Vax carpet cleaner. It was on special offer in B&Q but there was only one available about an hours drive from us. I promptly reserved it online and off we went.
We didnt need a sat nav cos hubby knew exactly where this B&Q was, but I hid it in the glove compartment cos I know what he's like! We arrived at the Gallows corner branch with no trouble, unfortunatly I wanted the Roneo Corner branch! As luck would have it hubby had left the sat nav in the car just in case!! (Lying bleeder)!
Got to the branch, waited half an hour for it to be brought from the 'Ring and reserve' lock up, and off we went home.
Ok, ready for action. Kids at school, sun shining brightly, will have the floor clean and dry in no time!
Now I dont really know what happened. Perhaps, for one split second, my brain decided the words 'Carpet shampooer' was the same as 'vacuum cleaner'. Or maybe aliens abducted the item I wanted without me knowing and replaced it with a bloody large vacuum cleaner which didnt wash carpets. Or possibly i'm a complete dickhead who cant read properly. I go for the alien explanation. Suffice to say I bought the wrong item.
Luckily we have a local B&Q who were nice enough to refund my money and also give me lots of little 'What an idiot' looks disguised as pity the poor disabled lady.
After that I was in no mood for joviality, so we headed for Comet where I can always find a salesman who pisses me off. They seem to be pulled there like magnets. Working forever in their own little world of perfect prices, excellent offers and sales to die for. Any difficult question and they are off to find their manager who is always a big butch cockney geezer with an answer for everything.
Had to get the lift upstairs but there were plenty of salesmen up there watching me pushing my metal wheelchair over the staticky carpet. Up we went and over to the carpet cleaners. Found what we wanted immediatly but then realised all the salesmen had gone downstairs.
Leaning over the escalator like an extra from Jackass soon got their attention, and the shiny salesman appeared.
Why is it, whenever I expect an arguement, get myself all ready to blow my top until i'm thrown out, do I get the salesman from heaven?
Perhaps my 'little wheelchair angel smile' has been perfected but within three seconds a £60 discount was offered.
And so, after six hours of sodding about, we arrived home with our new baby, a Vax carpet shampooer extrodinaire. Still too late to clean today, i'll do it in the morning when the kids have gone to school......
Today I dont feel like spring cleaning. Maybe next year!

Been a bit bored today. So bored in fact that I watched the football vide printer on this computer because I couldnt be bothered to wheel myself over to the remote control to turn the telly over. Well now the games have finished, and my beloved team has won, (Hooray), I thought i'd hunt arount the internet to find something interesting.
I spent the last week reading about the hidden ufo/nazi plot in antartica, which I found somewhat puzzling, as I thought all the ice had melted. So I googled Antarctica but it just came up white! Mind you theres quite a lot still left for the spawn of Adolf Hitler to hide under, so global warming better hurry up and melt their tunnels!
Amazingly enough I then took some time to look at my own blogger page and actually found some comments to my posts. Yes, I actually read them too. So if you are reading this blog for gods sake tell me what to do to follow you and reallyfatbloke cos I cant for the life of me figure out how to do it. All I keep getting is a request to follow myself!
I spent three hours this morning trying and succeeding in bluetoothing a picture of a Texas Ranger badge to a neighbour, (Unintentionally), when all I wanted to do was sent it to hubbys phone which was one inch away from my phone. Three hours and finally success but only because I bluetoothed the pic from my phone, to my computer, then over to the new phone. Technology eh!

This is hubbys screensaver, dont think he will get away with using it as i.d. but I suppose its worth a try. I had all the others, FBI, CIA, MI5 etc so he didnt have much to choose from. Perhaps he thinks he's Rooster Cogburn?


Now all I want to do is follow two people, one of which kindly follows me, yet there seems to be no pressable button of any description to help me.
This is the main reason I want to win the lottery. When an electrical item disobeys me, I can trash it. At the moment four mobiles, two laptops and a sky plus box is on my hit list. I cant afford to replace them all at the mo!

Strange but true?

Had a family day out yesterday. It was sunny for a change so we packed up the wheelchairs, kids, food, coats, spare clothing, more food etc and squished it all into the car. Plugged in the Sat Nav and away we went to Rendlesham Forest.
This is somewhere I have always wanted to go. Mainly because of the UFO incident back in 1980 which is still quite famous, but also because, in recent weeks, theres been tyalk of a large brown bear in the area. So fun for all, look at the sky or look in the woods, either way something is sure to be seen.
Well something strange happened to the sat nav, it couldnt find the Forest, (Has time and space been distorted already?), so we used the old fashioned method of Map reading!
Arrived, unpacked and started searching.
Pushing a wheelchair over the 'disabled' route was about as easy as pushing a wheelchair on sand! Still we pushed on into the forest, taking pictures as we went.
Suddenly we were attacked by what could only be described as a puma like animal! See above photo. Luckily, as both me and daughter were in wheelchairs, the animal must have thought we were riding large elephants and slinked off into the trees to attack less prepared ramblers.
We saw no UFO's at the time, but carried on taking photos.
I uploaded the photos today and one of the pictures caught my eye.




So, what do you think? THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!
Hahahahahahahaha

Had enough!

Its been a while since i've 'blogged'. Simply because I had nothing to say. But I have decided to write again just to get the seething anger off my chest. I know hardly anyone reads these things so I figured this would be the best place to go.
I am sick and tired of being told what to do with my life to make me live longer.
It doesnt seem to matter what it is, its either dangerous or unhealthy.
This is just a basic list of the things off the top of my head;
Smoking, drinking alcohol, drinking tap water, eating anything sold from a supermarket, driving, following the wrong religion, watching television, using a computer for too long, using a mobile phone, having pets, spending money, not having enough sex, using fossil fuels, boiling the kettle with too much water in it, having a bath instead of a shower, flying, ski-ing, horse riding, not going to the dentist, etc.
The thing is EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET WILL DIE ONE DAY.
There, i've said it. We are all going to die, whether we lead an ultra healthy life or not. Whether we become environmentally friendly or not. Whether we wear protective clothing or not.
Some of us will die before we are born, others will carry on till over 100 but the end will come.
Im not looking forward to reaching 65, with no pension and osteoarthritis, running the gauntlet of muggers every time I hobble down the shops. So god knows what it will be like aged 100. Possibly I will become a burdon on my family, who struggle to pay for care for me and earn enough to feed themselves, who knows?
Perhaps if the government relaxed a bit and allowed people to enjoy themselves a bit more, they will pop their clogs a bit earlier thus saving the government millions in unpaid pensions and a national health service bill. Who bloody cares anyway?